Malcolm

He actually did it. Surprises can still happen. Trip was obviously behind the reinstatement of movie night. The captain announced it a few days ago and tonight, they're showing a movie in the messhall at 1900 hours, just as it used to be before the current mission commenced.

Trip hasn't asked me to attend the movie with him, and if he had, I probably would have declined anyway.

I may have gone if it wasn't for the fact that it is a 'classic films' night. Once a month, movie night is reserved for films from the 20th century and I've never really enjoyed them. I prefer the more modern films.

I have other things I can be doing. I won't work; Captain Archer has more or less declared the evening a ship-wide holiday, only essential services are to be manned. Senior Staff members are under specific orders to take the night off.

I will spend the time in my cabin reading. Hercules, I think.

***

Trip

All in all, the movie wasn't too bad, *Road to Morocco*; it's light entertainment, nothin' anyone needed to think about too much, and from the looks on some of their faces after it finished, this was a good move. Malcolm didn't come, and that annoys me. He was the one who wanted me to ask the cap'n about it and then he doesn't show up. I have been toying with the idea of going to see him and ask him why, if he thought this was so important to crew morale, he didn't put his butt on one of those seats and watch the movie. Even T'Pol showed up and she has more reason than anyone, not to take an interest in movie night.

After leavin' the messhall, my feet seem to carry me to his cabin of their own accord. I stand at his door for a few moments, staring at the doorbell as though it can tell me whether ringin' it is a good idea.

I'm sure he's in there. Senior staff was ordered to take the night off, and there's not really many other places onboard he could go. I bite my lip, suddenly wondering if this is such a good idea. Finally, with a slight shake of my head I press the button and wait for him to answer.

He opens the door with a PADD in his hand and a little half smile on his lips.

Eyeing the PADD, I shift my weight and try to smile back. "Hi,"

"Trip…" he follows my glance to the PADD he holds and then waves it at me as he says. "It's Hercules…I'm not working."

"Oh." I wonder when we got to bein' so awkward around each other. I meet his eyes. "Mind if I come in?"

He steps back a little waves me inside.

"Please."

Malcolm walks over to his desk and lays the PADD down with a gentle click against the surface. He keeps his back to me, and I wonder what's going on inside that head of his. He doesn't say anything and I take a deep breath.

"I was surprised you didn't come see the movie."

"Oh." I see his shoulders tense. "I…uh…well I've never been a real fan of old movies."

"You were the one who asked me to bring it up with the cap'n, Malcolm."

"Yes."

I frown at him; he's still talking to me over his shoulder I want him to turn around. I want to see his eyes.

"You…coulda…made an effort, ya know. It seemed important enough to ya that you'd—"

He lets out a long breath and slowly turns around to look at me and for a moment, his eyes are full of somethin' so deep and so hurt that I have to look away.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I…couldn't."

Silence grows between us like an invisible cloud and I know, if I don't say somethin' to break it then it's gonna stay there forever. I swallow hard, take a step forward.

"Malcolm I…I need to say something, and I've been puttin' it off because I know it's not gonna be easy for ya to hear, and…it's not easy for me to say but…I need to tell you this."

I move closer and he backs up against his desk and stops, staring at me as if I've grown another head.

"Don't," he whispers. "Trip, please don't." He passes a shaking hand across his face and closes his eyes. "Don't tell me it's over."

"Over?" I have to think about that for a minute. Is that what I want? I know I can't think about marryin' him right now, but do I want to go so far as to say we're finished?

I hestiate too long, and he opens his eyes. Beautiful, beloeved eyes that I would sacrifice my very life for, and I know that's not what I want. I shake my head.

"No, it's not over, Malcolm…not from my side anyhow, but…if you want that after ya hear what I have to say, then—I guess I won't blame ya."

"Then…what?" He frowns and the fear evaporates a little.

"I just think—" I pause and lick my lips. "I don't think that right now, with this mission and all…I don't think I can be considerin' settling down, Malcolm. I—I don't think I can marry you."

Malcolm's knees buckle and he drops into the chair at his desk; he buries his face in his hands and I watch as his shoulders start to shake uncontrollably. Moving quickly to his side, I lay a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Malcolm."

My words sound hollow; I don't know how to console him but then he looks up at me and I see that he's laughing. Well, half laughing. There are some tears mixed up in it as well and he shakes his head at me.

"You arsehole!" he says with a chuckle. "You complete, imbecilic arsehole!"

"Malcolm?" I'm gettin' a little worried here; he's reactin' real strangely to this.

"You mean to tell me that these past weeks, you've been avoiding me because—" He leans back in his chair. "That all of this is because you were afraid to postpone our wedding plans?"

"Well…yeah I guess so."

"It's fine, Trip." He stands up and reaches to caress my face with one hand. "I completely understand." A tiny smile touches his lips and he looks into my eyes for a long moment. "I understand how important our current mission is, and, nice as the thought of being married to you is, I understand it's not the right time."

I stare at him; his eyelashes are all sparkling with the remnants of what I realize now are tears of relief and I suddenly feel like I used to a long time ago.

I feel like I own the world and everythin' in it.