Malcolm slowly woke up. His head was pounding, and he still felt exhausted. He glanced around in a daze and realized he wasn't in his own quarters. It took him a few seconds to associate the clothing and personal items thrown around the room as Travis'.

It took a few more seconds for the events of the night before to come back to him. He'd broken down. Completely. He'd never before lost control so badly. Especially not in front of anyone. He wondered if Travis was okay, if they could be okay after this.

Then he realized he was alone. Shit.

He must have scared Travis off when he broke down. He should have expected something like this. Life had taught him time and time again that if you let someone in, they tear you apart from the inside, instead of just doing it from the outside. Everyone hurts you, it's how close you let them in that determines how badly.

Travis probably didn't even mean to hurt him. Probably. Travis had kissed Lauren, yet this was in an entire different league. But still, it was essentially Malcolm's fault.

He let himself fall back on the bed, throwing his arms over his head in defeat and fighting off tears. Then the door opened.

Travis entered with a tray, and Malcolm swore at himself for not seeing it coming. Damn cliches; of course Travis had just gone to get breakfast. Travis was beaming at him now, but all he Malcolm could manage was a small smile in return.

"You ok?" Travis asked, the smile disappearing from his face. Malcolm wished very much that Travis would smile again. He loved that smile.

"I'll be fine," Malcolm whispered. He forced himself to relax, but Travis just stood their watching him. He finally opened his eyes again and looked up into Travis' chocolate brown ones.

"I love you," Travis said, loudly and clearly so there could be no mistaking it. Malcolm lay there for a second, trying to digest it. Travis loved him.

"Then why did you kiss Lauren?" Malcolm had to ask.

"Why didn't you say yes?" Travis replied, his voice dropping to just above a whisper.

They fell into silence. Neither knew what to say. Malcolm sure as hell didn't know how to explain himself. He didn't want to go into all of that again. In truth, all he really wanted to do was reach out and pull Travis to him and never let go. He wanted to tell Travis he loved him—he wanted to tell everyone. He just didn't know how.

"Let's just agree we're both idiots," Travis said quietly. "And try and get on with our lives."

"Works for me," Malcolm agreed, giving in and reaching forward to pull Travis into a hug. Travis reached around and held Malcolm tightly. It was all going to be okay. Neither of them could believe it, but it was all going to be okay.

Malcolm finally relaxed, held in Travis' strong arms. Why the hell had he given this up? He vowed then and there he would never give Travis up again for anything.

"We should get up," Malcolm mumbled finally. "I need to be on duty soon and my quarters are a mess…"

"Don't worry about it," Travis whispered, stroking Malcolm's back. "I've already been to see the Captain. We get the day of to sort out your room and…make up."

For a moment Malcolm was disturbed about Travis speaking to the Captain, but he just shoved the though to the back of his mind. He could go back to worying later.

"Aren't we efficient today?"

"I try," Travis replied, grinning. He kind of liked being the responsible one now and again. It could be fun.

For his part, Malcolm was coming to a realization. Travis could keep an eye out for himself. He didn't need someone constantly looking out for him, not that Malcolm could stop, but he should learn to trust Travis when the younger man says he's taking it too far.

Idiot.

But it was all behind them now. They could get on with life again.

Malcolm found himself being kissed again. He sighed and opened his mouth a little so Travis could deepen the kiss. It looked like Travis was taking over in the bedroom too.

Malcolm relaxed as Travis began to rub his hands over Malcolm's back calmingly. He reciprocated, feeling Travis relax into his arms. He could have happily stayed like that all day, kissing and touching. It seemed Travis had other ideas, however.

The younger man slid his arms around Malcolm and began to rub the bulge in his pants. Malcolm moaned softly. It felt damn good. Travis had very skilled hands.

He reached out and pulled Travis' sweater off. Travis had apparently put on a sweater and some loose jeans to go get breakfast and speak to the Captain. Malcolm didn't care—he wouldn't be wearing anything for long.

As soon as Travis' sweater was gone, Malcolm began running his hands over the strong chest. You had to be healthy to get into Starfleet, but Travis was so beyond what was required. Malcolm knew Travis liked to do a lot of physical things in his spare time: hiking, climbing. It probably had something to do with growing up in space and never seeing the outdoors, but Travis had spent ages climbing and walking while attending the Academy. He had dragged Malcolm along a few times, and the hikes were okay. Malcolm just wasn't much for climbing.

Malcolm's thoughts were pulled back to the present as Travis unzipped his uniform and pulled it down. Malcolm quickly stood up to help, and Travis stripped him naked, then proceeded to remove his own pants and underwear as well.

Then Travis was on him again, kissing and touching. Strong hands running over his chest and stomach and legs and back. Malcolm was pushed down onto the bed, and he went willingly.

Travis' mouth left Malcolm's, causing the older man to moan in protest, but a second later it found his left nipple and he felt the disappointed moan turning into a moan of pleasure. He threw his head back as Travis expertly nipped at his nipple and laved it with his tongue until it was hard, then he did the same to the other nipple.

Malcolm quickly decided that letting Travis be in change was ok all right, but there was nothing like being on top yourself. He wrapped a leg around Travis, then rolled them over so he was on top.

Travis tried to roll them again, but there really wasn't room and they both ended up on the floor, which still didn't stop their little power struggle. Malcolm gained the top again, and he managed to pin Travis before he kissed Travis firmly on the lips.

He then did as Travis had done to him, tracing his way down to the younger man 's nipple, and licking and nipping until it was hard. Travis pushed up against him, but Malcolm pushed him back down.

"Please, Malcolm," Travis whispered. "Let me go on top."

Malcolm couldn't resist Travis begging. He allowed himself to be rolled onto his back. Travis pulled up, grinning.

"Don't worry, Malcolm; I'll give you the time of your life…"

Travis lowered his mouth and gently kissed the head of Malcolm's cock. Malcolm gasped as the playful mood grew heated. Travis ran his tongue up Malcolm's length. Malcolm moaned and thrust up.

"Come on," Travis whispered. "This will be much easier on the bed."

"Don't think I can move," Malcolm panted

"Hurry up, get on the bed. I need you Malcolm. I want to be in you." Malcolm froze, then looked into Malcolm's eyes and saw how serious Travis was. Travis had always been more then a little afraid of entering Malcolm. He was afraid he would hurt Malcolm. Afraid he would do something wrong. Malcolm had decided not to push the issue. Travis was normally so outgoing; if there was this one thing that scared him, it was best not to push it.

Malcolm moved onto the bed quickly. Travis was determined; Malcolm knew that without even having to ask. Malcolm moved into the bedroom while he made himself comfortable, lying on his stomach and placing a pillow under his hips to make it easier for Travis.

Travis came back from the bathroom and knelt behind Malcolm on the bed. For a moment he didn't move.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Malcolm asked softly over his shoulder. Travis nodded. Malcolm reached round and took Travis' hand gently. There was so much uncertainty in the other man's eyes. It was one thing to say he was going to do this, it was quite another to actually do it. But once Travis decided to do something, he would see it through.

Malcolm relaxed, trusting himself completely to Travis. He knew the other man would never hurt him—never intentionally or without just cause.

But they were past that. The here and now was what mattered. Travis was gently easing one lubed up finger into him.

He moaned and pushed himself back onto Travis. It had been a while since he'd had anything inside him, and it felt so good. Travis moved the one finger for a moment, then added a second. Malcolm moaned and thrust back, which made Travis smile seductively. Malcolm hadn't felt this good in forever. Even though he'd never pushed Travis to take him, he had wanted it desperately.

Travis began to scissors his fingers slowly. It was very frustrating for Malcolm. He wanted Travis in him so badly, but at the same time he was aware he wasn't ready. He found his frustration was distracting him from Travis' hands, and he tried to push it down, only it was hard to longing need building up in his center.

Then a third finger was added, and he couldn't help but concentrate on the physical. The wonderful feelings inside of him. The feeling of Travis loving him, opening him. Then the fingers were gone and his anticipation began to rise, but nothing happened.

He looked back over his shoulder, and Travis was sitting there, looking uncertain.

"Please Travis," Malcolm whispered huskily. "I need you in me. You won't hurt me; it'll be good."

"Are you sure it won't hurt you?"

Malcolm didn't reply with words. He reached around and grabbed Travis' hand. There eyes met for a moment, then Travis lent down and kissed Malcolm, softly and lovingly.

Then he moved back slightly and positioned himself, not letting go of Malcolm's hand. It was a little awkward to get into the right position while still holding hands, but they managed it. Malcolm relaxed back onto the bed and waited.

Travis pushed into him, slowly and gently. Malcolm moaned as he felt Travis enter him, making him so full. Travis pushed forward, exploring the feeling of being inside his lover, being surrounded and loved in the best possible way by the man under him.

He started to move, slowly at first, and he felt himself beginning to be consumed by his feelings of desire. It felt so good, moving inside Malcolm. If he felt half this tight and wonderful, it was no wonder Malcolm didn't mind being on top, not that he was complaining.

He began to near the edge, but he was vaguely aware that Malcolm wasn't close enough. He slipped his hand under Malcolm and gently rubbed the other man's cock. Malcolm gasped and thrust back, and Travis lots his control, coming inside Malcolm. The older man followed him soon after, staining the sheets with cum.

They just laid there for a while, basking in the afterglow. It felt so good for a while, then a little sticky and uncomfortable. Travis pulled back and moved over to lay next to Malcolm. The other man rolled over, and they kissed each other softly.

"I love you," Malcolm whispered, kissing Travis on the forehead. Travis smile and relaxed, then snuggled against Malcolm's side. A part of him was aware that he should get up and go sort out Malcolm's quarters, but a bigger part of him wanted to just curl up and sleep. He'd been too busy worrying last night to get any real sleep.

Malcolm watched Travis drift of, then soon after he let himself follow. After all, after the emotional rollercoaster he'd been through that morning, he deserved a bit more sleep.

***

Glen was absolutely desperate for a clean uniform and a shave. When Travis had asked for the room to himself, Glen had just left, not thinking to grab a clean uniform. He didn't care which girl Travis had in there with him. As much as Travis might deny, it Glen knew Travis had to have a girl.

He stepped into the quarters without knocking, grabbed his wash kit and a clean uniform, and left again.

"What do you know," Glen said to himself, "looks like Travis doesn't have a girl after all."