It was bound to happen.

I mean, we've been cooped up in this ship for nearly a year, livin' in close quarters, walkin' corridors so narrow you can't help but brush against each other as you pass. And don't get me started about the turbo lifts. The designers couldn't made 'em any smaller. All that body heat in such a tiny enclosed space Ð I ain't surprised about my fellow crewmembers gettin' caught in 'em doin' things better left to the privacy of their quarters.

Sure, half of us got a break on Risa, but it wasn't nearly long enough. Hell, out of the bridge officers, I think only Hoshi got some, but she won't say. It was the blissful expression on her face when boarded the shuttle. 'Learnin' languages' my ass. Although I suppose a couple nights of hot sex with an alien is a language all its own.

Malcolm and me spent our holiday tied up in our underwear, which, under certain circumstances could be a hell of a lot of fun. After I'd cut through my ropes with the broken bottle, I thought about leavin' Malcolm like that, takin' advantage of the situation. Might as well try to salvage something, I thought. But he was too mad, demanding that I untie him, wanting to go to the Risan authorities to report our robbery. I took my time freeing him, my fingers catching on the waistband of his undershorts a couple times, givin' me a glimpse of what lay beneath.

But now…well, this ship is out of control. Everybody wants to do everybody else. Even the Captain's havin' a hard time, and that pun is intended. And it's all because of one little movie.

A week ago, someone let the computer choose a movie at random. Now, I know machines don't have souls, can't feel any emotions, let alone revenge, but I just wonder if maybe our computer'd got talked to a little too sharply, its buttons pushed a little too hard, and, by God, it was tired of it, lookin' for some way to ease the tension and protect itself. 'Cause the movie it chose was a hot feature from 2008 called 'Touch Me'. The blurb called it 'an art film exploring the psycho-emotional condition that torments humanity'. Big snore, I thought, but I had nothin' else to do, so I went to see it.

What it really was, however, was porn. And not just any porn, I'm talkin' hard core here, men doin' women, women doin' men, men doin' men, women doin' women, there was somethin' for everybody, a little bondage, a little S&M, oh and one memorable scene of circular fellatio, a ring of men and women, their mouths on everybody else's private parts. The only sounds in the room were the panting of my fellow crewmembers. Nobody walked out, even after the movie had ended, we all just sat there, stunned and horny. There was no way I was gonna stand up. These uniforms leave nothing to the imagination.

Beside me, Malcolm mopped his brow with his sleeve.

"Well," he said.

"Yeah," I replied.

On the other side of me, Travis clutched his bowl of popcorn tightly on his lap, glassy eyed, still starin' at the screen, replaying the movie in his mind. People began headin' for the exit, in groups of two or three, or in one case, four, everybody in a hell of a hurry, testosterone, pheromones, lust a veritable haze in the room.

I looked at Malcolm, and he looked at me, naked need in his eyes. No time for second thoughts, my engines were fired, I was ready for warp. I had a wet spot on the front of my uniform, which Malcolm's gaze strayed to, making me even hotter. I put my hand on his thigh, givin' it a squeeze, then got up, knowin' he'd follow.

Then I heard: "Like to join us, Travis?"

You dog, Malcolm, I thought, grinnin', as Travis put aside the popcorn, revealing something approachin' magnificence ready to bust apart his uniform.

We had a group grope in the turbo lift, rubbin' and squeezin', moanin' and sighin', both Travis and Malcolm kissing my neck. We went to my quarters, the biggest and most private space, Malcolm unzippin' his uniform before I even had the door unlocked. I couldn't get out of my clothes fast enough, everything seemed to catch or stick, my fingers clumsy, especially when Travis revealed his fine young body, all smooth and muscled, and I wasn't disappointed by what hung below his waistline. Our boomer's a stallion, I couldn't take my eyes off that beautiful cock.

Me and Malcolm took the edges, with Travis in the middle. Malcolm got to taste his full lips first, and they kissed deeply. I fingered Travis, and he pushed back against me, wantin' more, so I got my fingers good and wet and breached his airlock. Malcolm was lookin' after Travis's front, jackin' him hard, still lip-locked. I pulled out my fingers and put my cock there. Holdin' Travis's hip, I pushed, gaspin' as my head got swallowed up by that fine, firm ass.

Travis broke the kiss with Malcolm, groanin', his hand comin' back, grabbin' my ass an' pullin' me deeper inside. Malcolm got up on one elbow, reachin' for me across Travis, his tongue pushin' into my mouth. I'd never experienced anything hotter: kissin' Malcolm while fucking Travis. I knew I was gonna shoot my load, so pulled back from the both of them, my cock slick with pre-cum.

Travis and Malcolm had a whispered conference, and then I was treated to another hot sight: Malcolm, on his back, Travis between his legs, sucking him. I watched, panting, touching myself. I kissed Malcolm, lovin' the taste of him. Finally Malcolm'd been brought close to the edge, so he pulled Travis's head away. Travis sat back on his heels and looked at me. "You want this, Commander?" he asked, running his hand up his magnificent shaft.

Oh God, yes, I wanted it. All I could do was nod. Travis manhandled me, turnin' me onto my side. His tongue trailed down my back and into my crack. He parted my cheeks and licked me thoroughly, tongue probin', me writhin', and then I felt something big about to breach me. His fingers wrapped 'round my hipbone, he pushed. I'd never been split like that before, didn't know if my body could take it. Travis kept pushin' and pushin', til I was sure his cock must be probin' my diaphragm. All the way in, he nestled against me, hot breath in my ear.

"That's it, Lieutenant," he murmured, gasping, as Malcolm entered him, "that's it…"

Then, a frenzied fuck-fest. Travis slammed and jacked me, while Malcolm slammed him, the bed shook in its moorings, an' I'm sure the soundproofing didn't totally absorb our cries. I shot all over the wall, some of the jiz splatterin' enough to come back and hit me in the face. Travis thrust deep, his balls jumping against my ass, and I heard Malcolm groanin' in ecstasy. We lay there, worn out, but I was already thinkin' about round two, with me gettin' a piece of Travis's ass, when the Captain's voice came over the comm.

"Trip, report to my ready room. Right now."

He didn't wait for me to reply, and said it in a tone of voice that I knew not to argue with.

Reluctantly, I climbed over my bedmates, doin' a quick clean-up in the washroom then puttin' on a fresh uniform. Travis and Malcolm hadn't moved, were lookin' at each other in a way that was startin' to make me jealous.

"Don't worry, Trip," Malcolm said, "we'll wait for you."

With a sigh, I headed for the bridge.

In the Captain's ready room, Archer gave me a withering look, while T'Pol regarded me with her usual superior expression. I swallowed hard. Somethin' had happened.

"I understand there was a very interesting movie shown this evening," the Captain said.

"That's what you called me up here for?" I replied, relieved. "The movie?"

"I just found out what sort of movie it was." He paused. "Why didn't you stop it, Trip?"

"Stop it? Why the hell should I stop it?"

Archer sighed. "I don't want word getting back to Earth that I sanction showing pornography to the crew. You know what that'll do to our reputation? Starfleet has strict codes of conduct. As senior officer in that room, Trip, you should have known it wasn't appropriate."

"Nobody was offended. In fact, it's the best thing we've seen so far."

"Commander," said T'Pol, "the Captain is correct. He is not speaking from a subjective moral standpoint. I have reviewed the Starfleet regulations. They are quite clear."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, maybe the Captain should view the film before he decides whether the rules apply to it or not. Isn't that logical, Sub-Commander?"

T'Pol hesitated. "Yes," she admitted, "that is a logical suggestion. I will view the film with you, Captain, if you wish."

I grinned, couldn't help it, the thought of hot-blooded Jonathan Archer struggling to control himself during some of those scenes, while a Vulcan in the midst of a seven-year dry-spell fought against cold rationality, her green blood all afire. And wasn't she the one who'd raised the question of sex a few weeks ago? It was obviously on her mind.

"You're in for a treat, Jon," I said, couldn't help myself.

He glared at me in return.

"You too, Sub-Commander," I couldn't help adding. "Hope you've been doin' your meditation."

"That's enough, Trip. You're not helping yourself, you know."

"Oh, but I'm havin' fun, Captain. Speakin' of which, are we done, here?"

He raised his eyebrows at me, but chose not to pursue the matter.

"All right. Dismissed, for now."

I stood. "One more thing," I said. "You were worried about tensions amongst the crew. I guarantee you this movie's gonna diffuse 'em."

I went back to Malcolm and Travis, ready for round two.

That was a week ago. The Captain and T'Pol had a private showin' 'Touch Me' after our discussion in the ready room. I can only imagine what went on after the lights went down. Makes me hot, thinkin' about it. I've noticed, however, that Jon now stands a little closer to his second-in-command, and these looks pass between 'em, like they're sharin' some great secret. Soon as I get the chance, I'll get Jon drunk and ask him all about it.

This mornin' in our daily briefing, Phlox, with a straight face, said he was runnin' out of surgical lubricant. Seems there's been a run on his supply, people sneakin' into sick bay and pilfering it. I looked at Malcolm, at the blush on his cheeks. The Captain just remarked "That's interesting," and moved on to other things.

This movie turned out to be better than any shore leave. Maybe Jon'll make a recommendation to Starfleet, in his report on how we all cope over extended periods of time in space. A little old-fashioned smut goes a long way out here, a long, long way.